Spirtual Insights: Prayer and the Atonement

I have re-learned some things about the gospel lately that I thought would be important to share and record. The first was from a Relief Society lesson from the talk Pray Always by Elder David A. Bednar. He talks about how everything was spiritually created before the temporal creation and he says, "In a similar way, meaningful morning prayer is an important element in the spiritual creation of each day-- and precedes the temporal creation or the actual execution of the day." when you put it in that perspective it really makes morning prayers seem so much more beneficial and important to make time for before we start our day. He also talks about how morning and evening prayers are linked. "At the end of our day, we kneel again and report back to our Father. We review the events of the day and express heartfelt thanks for the blessings and the help we received. We repent and, with the assistance of the spirit of the Lord, identify ways we can do and become better tomorrow. Thus our evening prayer builds upon and is a continuation of our morning prayer. And out evening prayer also is a preparation for meaningful morning prayer."
Elder Bednar also discusses the importance of gratitude and suggests we do more prayers with only expression of gratitude and ask for nothing. In addition he encourages us to pray for others with real intent and a sincere heart. "Just as expressing gratitude more often in our prayers enlarges the conduit for revelation, so praying for others with all the energy of our souls increases our capacity to hear and to heed the voice of the Lord." I guess I had never really thought of gratitude and praying for others as a way to recieve revelation instead of just doing it because you feel the need. It makes sense that when you stop worrying and praying for your own needs and think of your blessings and the needs of others that the spirit is better able to get through to you. Your mind set is different and more prepared to hear and not just tell or request.
I also have a strong testimony about the power of being united in prayer in behalf of a particular person or blessing. I remember right before I found out about my sisters complication with her twins a sister sharing a story about her daughter who had a later stage form of breast cancer (she was my age and one of my college friends which made it more personal). She said someone had told her to call several temples and have her name placed on the prayer roll. Amazingly she was able to overcome the cancer even at it's late stage. I think that sister was inspired to share that story for my benefit because it was only like a week later that I found out about my sister's twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome and I did as this sister had done and called a few temples to have her put her name on the prayer roll. There were miraculous blessings as a result and I have no doubt that all those faithful temple attendees praying on behalf of my sister as well as our own family prayers made a difference. I thought I knew about prayer, but Elder Bednar's talk helped me learn new things that will help me improve the quality of my prayers.
On a side note, I had the opportunity to listen to sister Julie Beck the Relief Society General President last night at our Stake enrichment, and I will have to do a seperate blog about that experience, but she also talked about when we pray for others we can get insights from our Heavenly Father who knows them and loves them that will help us connect and serve them better. Especially if we are trying to reach out to someone who seems unloveable or seems to reject all our attempts to reach them by placing obstacles or defenses between you and them.
One aspect of Elder Bednar's talk that was really touching was when he reminded us of the Savior's perfect example of praying for others with real intent. You can find it in John 17: 9, 20. 26 and in his visit to the Nephites in 3 Ne17:1-17 where is states, "No one can conceive of the joy which filled our souls at the time we heard Him pray for us unto the Father" and Elder Bednar asked us to, "imagine what it might have been like to hear the Savior of the world praying for us." I have also been pondering the atonement since our gospel docterine lesson a few weeks ago on the subject. I remember reading Doctrine and Covenants 19:16-19 that says the savior suffered in "both body and spirit". I think sometimes I visualize and think more of the suffering of his body that about the pain it caused him in spirit to feel all the disappointments, heart-ache, fears, and other emotional pains he also experienced "that his bowels may be filled with mercy. . . and that he may know . . . how to succor his people according to their infirmities" Alma 7:12. I guess I didn't realize infirmities included emotional infirmities and emotional pain that he also had to endure. I knew this on a basic level, but these insights helped me appreciate the atonement so much more. It is very rare that we have to go through emotional turmoil at the same time as physical ailments and then to compound that to all those who believe in Christ. No human could endure that depth of suffering only the son of God! I am so grateful that in him I can find relief from emotional suffering whether it is from mistakes, shortcomings or sins or from other disappointments and emotional pains. I am so grateful that he was so willing to suffer, so that I would not have to suffer if I repent.

January Life Lessons

Lately I have been getting spring fever with all the sunshine we have been having. I love this atypical January accept for the fact with the bad air and sick kids I haven't really been able to get out like I have wanted. Even with how much I love the sunshine seeing all the haze makes me wish it would snow again. I did get my Christmas wishes and we had nice snow for Christmas and my kids waited until now to get sick. They both got a terrible cold, but Kate faired much better. Beck had quite the croupie cough and I was worried we were going to have to take him in for breathing treatments.
Sunday Beck had some drainage coming out his ear. Great! He had a burst ear drum last year, so I was pretty confident that was the source. He has been complaining about his head hurting and his throat hurting, but not his ears. Now that I think about it, the headache was probably really an ear ache. Even though Beck is pretty articulate for his age, it is still difficult to figure out what he wants. Here is exhibit A: Previously he had been crying to go inside, but when I tried to take him inside he cried to play in the snow. Eventually he decides he wants a snack.

I took him to the Dr. today and he couldn't even see past all the gunk to know the condition of the ear drum and the other ear drum is infected as well. The kid has snot not just the usual brownish liquid coming out his ears. Why can't he just have the usual runny nose like the normal kids? He is related to me that is why. I think Beck's pediatrician thinks I am an idiot or a neglectful parent, but he just doesn't know my history (tubes, tubes again, tubes again, surgeery to remove scar tissue and rebuild my ear drum etc.) Hopefully we can get back to sleeping again now that he is on antibiotics. I am so grateful for antibiotics! I should also add to the list humidifiers, decongestants, pain relieving and fever reducing medications, good pediatricians and several close pharmacies, as well as knowing if I absolutely had to I could take him to the ER and they could help him breath if he couldn't on his own.
We did find out on the 8th that all his food allergies are still going strong and we even ended up getting an epi-pen for the nut allergies (there is yet another blessing for which to be thankful). I really hate feeling so helpless as a parent to see him be so miserable with being sick and also not being able to enjoy all the foods everyone else enjoys. I feel so bad when he says "I want that" and I have to tell him "No you are allergic and it will make you sick" and then he cries and says again "I want that". I wish so much I could instantly take away all his allergies and instantly cure his ear infections and instantly ease his breathing. I am sure that is how Heavenly Father feels when he sees his children suffering and especially when Christ went through the atonement only intensified so greatly that I truly can't even comprehend it.
I feel like my last couple of blogs have been kind of downers or a bit negative, but that isn't really how I feel. It seems like when things are difficult I see all that I have to be grateful for and how blessed I really am. Yes, I am tired and I am getting a little burnt out and stir crazy with sick kids, but that is not really that big a deal compared to what I have learned or more accurately put what I have been reminded of as a result of these experiences. It is definitely through adversity and opposition that I learn how good life really is and more about the love of our Heavenly Father and Jesus christ. I don't think I would understand that as much as I do without being a parent. Wow! I am sure I have so much more to learn since I am still so new to parenting.

Frazzled

It seems like with small children every little errand, trip to the grocery store, or even just trying to sit through church becomes an overwhelming ordeal. Then add the fatigue and lack of concentration that go with pregnancy and it seems like torture. Sometimes it takes like 3-5 hours to just do the grocery shopping.

The other day I got one of those carts that looks like a car and has two seats for kids to sit and pretend to drive. I thought it would be a good idea until they both started fighting over who got which seat and then neither of them wanted to sit they decided they wanted to run around the store instead. Beck was grabbing bags of marshmellows off the shelf and trying to bite through the bag to eat them then he was walking down the isle trying to punch the bread. I hate feeling like one of those parents with the uncontrollable kids everyone dreads being around. Everytime I leave the grocery store I promise myself I am not going to bring them anymore! Luckily, when I was shopping at the Target clearance sale, I had some candy which helped keep the kids occupied and it seemed like I was surrounded by other mothers who were experiencing their turn dealing with the screaming kids.

This past week I tried to go to costco and we ate lunch first and then loaded up our cart and as we were just about finished with our shopping they made everyone evacuate the building and leave their carts. I don't know what was going on, there was a alarm that went off while we were eating, but it went off quickly and there were no emergency vehicles as we were leaving the building. What a hassle! Just to even get out the door is enough trouble and then load, unload, take a bathroom break, eat, take another bathroom break, shop, and then to just have to leave everything and start back at zero because of a fire or chemical leak. I was down to like four diapers too. Well, off to another store and as we are checking out I lean over to help Kate with her coat and as many of you know being 6 months plus pregnant any movement can cause you to pass gas which is what happened. Then Kate (who does not have a quiet voice) says "eww mom you farted" for all to hear. It was pretty embarassing.

I was embarassed again at church. We changed to a new schedule and Beck is having a difficult time. We use to have sacrament first which was much easier with kids at 9:30 than now when it is reversed and he has to go to sacrament after nursery at 11:00 when he is starting to get tired and hungry. He will start yelling "I wanna go bye bye" or "candy" or "pizza" and has yelled even more embarassing things that I don't feel I should meniton here. Hopefully it will get better as he gets use to the new schedule.

Well, if anyone has developed some fool proof methods or tricks to make all this easier I am open to any suggestions. How am I ever going to do this with three!!! I think I will have to go at 5 am or 10 pm.

Resolutions for 2009

It feels like it has been a really long time since I have made any resolutions, and I am not sure it is such a great idea to try to make and keep resolutions when I will have a newborn in just three months to disrupt everything. Hopefully I can keep things going after a few weeks of adjustment (I think it took 15 months to adjust and recover from having Beck, so I am probably delusional). I just feel kind of desperate for a change. Lately I have been feeling like I am getting dragged through life and that I am in a state of constant survival mode. I decided I need to make some changes, so that I am directing my life and that it has a sense of purpose instead of feeling like I am running a race and getting no where or treading water and barely keeping myself from drowning.

I have decided I need to be a more valiant daughter of God and no longer neglect the spiritual responsibilities I have to myself, my family and the Lord. We had a lesson in Relief Society about being more valiant and it really made me realize how many things I am not making room for in my life or not doing well enough. Elder Maxwell once said something like this, "many of us are not in a state of transgression, but a state of digression" I have decided I need to wake up about an hour or more earlier if I am going to make any difference in the what I am able to accomplish in a day. The first change is to give more attention to scripture study. I definitely don't "feast on the words of christ" like I should be and I probably can't even say that I nibble. Luckily I have to teach once a month or I might not have any form of gospel study in my life at all. That is a pretty easy change to make you basically decide to do and then you do it.

Another change I want to make is to be more positive. I feel that I have not been experiencing the joy of life because I get too caught up in the details and mundane but necessary duties of a wife and mother. I am like Martha and as the Savior said “thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful; and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” I definitely need to realign my priorities and restore some balance to my life. I want to possess more charity toward others and to find ways to relieve stress and tension, so I will be a happier more relaxed person. I want to live in the moment and not be in such a hurry to get to the next thing. I want to be flexible. I need to learn to laugh at life instead of taking it so seriously all the time. This feels overwhelming to me, but I feel it is extremely important. I almost feel like I need to completely change who I am, but I am not happy with how I am now so I feel like I have no other choice. I think I could be such a better wife and mother and enjoy life more if I wasn't always so serious about life and so task-oriented all the time.

I am pretty sure I don't have to worry about neglecting my duties or getting out of balance the other way since the worker bee is too ingrained in me. You'd think with how hard I work at trying to get things done that I would have a lot to show for it, but I feel like I have been working so hard and accomplishing nothing. My house is still always a mess, I haven't accomplished any fun scrapbooking projects, I haven't read my scriptures or exercised and yet I am tired and onery because I have been running around all day doing so many things. It doesn't make sense to me since it seems to me that everyone else is able to do those things and they seem content and happy. I am not exactly sure how to go about these changes, so if anyone of you have been able to make these types of changes or have any ideas on how to approach this please let me know. I am just praying that the Lord will tell me how and that he can perform the miracle when I do whatever it is he asks. I thought as part of this post I would show some cute video of Kate and Beck just being silly since that is what I need more of in my life.

Celebrating the New Year

My husband's sister's family was in town for the New Year and we spent a lot of time eating, playing games, and playing in the snow. I had a Dr. appt. on the 2nd and of course I gained almost 10 lbs since the beginning of December. I was doing well with the gradual and normal weight gain of pregancy until this month. I was hoping to only gain an additional 5 lbs than where I am now and that might be kind of difficult considering I have three months left. I guess I shouldn't admit that right now I am eating oreos dipped in hot chocolate:).

Okay, now back to my intended blog entry. I thought it would be fun to post some pictures and video of the fun in the snow. Kate discovered snow angels this year and with a little help from mom, she loves to make them every chance she gets.

My nephews Jared, Isaac and Luke helped my husband build a luge in our back yard and I think they enjoyed it because they weren't very excited to leave when their parents came to get them.

On Saturday we went sledding as a big group. Beck enjoyed the sledding, but didn't last very long in the cold. He has snow pants and a good coat, but that didn't help with his hands and feet which were covered with little knit gloves and his regular tennis shoes to keep warm. Kate stayed out quite a while and really enjoyed the "sliding" as she still calls it.

Beck and Byron getting ready to cruise down the hill on a tube.

Beck chillin' in the shade with Jennie

Luckily a few days after Christmas Beck decided he was ready to start walking again. He kind of hobbles a bit, but it is so nice to have him more independent and he is much happier with his increased mobility as well. I got really excited about him walking and started cheering and clapping for him and he surprised me with his reaction. Instead of beaming with pride at his accomplishment like I thought he would he threw himself on the floor and started crying. He was self-conscious because he knew he was walking funny and was embarassed when I gave him attention. I thought it was pretty funny that he could have that type of reaction at such a young age. He does the same thing if someone catches him singing and he doesn't want them to notice or pay attention.

He sure had a lot of fun wrestling with his older cousins and even learned to say all of their names.
We were glad we could spend so much time with family and celebrate the new year together. I think the only thing that would have made it better was if the Arizona cousins could have been there too. At least we got to see them at the wedding less than a month ago.