crazy dreams

I know I already did a post about pregnancy dreams (they were mostly about food back then), but now that I am ready to pop I am having more crazy dreams. I have had two dreams that started very differently, but both ended the same which was with me alone on an icy lake or ocean and the ice begins to crack and break apart and I am about to sink into the deep black frigid waters. These dreams both started very light hearted with me surrounded by people and having lots of fun then all of a sudden I am alone. This dream both times starts out in color and then ends in black and white with a great contrast between the bright white ice and the darkest black waters you could imagine. I don't put too much stock into dream interpretation, but it is pretty easy to figure out that my brain is trying to express that I have some fears that I haven't really dealt with. I have always feared deep dark waters and so it seems like a pretty natural expression of my fears. It is also quite expected in my state to have some fears since I am going to be experiencing childbirth soon. I know it is the third time for me, but I still worry about the same things I did the first time around. It is hard to prevent all the horror stories and hundreds of possible problems that could take place from entering my mind.

The other dream that I have had was me and my three children in a field surrounded by deer. Kate was facinated by the mommas and baby deer and wanted to get closer. I kept calling for her to follow me and stay with me because I also had the baby and Beck to keep safe. I knew it wasn't a good idea for her to go wandering off after the deer because there were these huge bucks ready plunge their huge antlers into any intruder. Then all of a sudden there were mountain lions decending on the deer and devouring them. Now I was in a state of panic trying to get Kate to listen to me, but she was oblivious of the dangers around her. I am guessing this dream addresses my fears of being overwhelmed with the responsibilities of motherhood and trying to take care of three children one of which is getting more and more independent each day. I think there is a very spiritual meaning to the dream as well with trying to protect your children from all the hidden dangers in the world that you are aware of and your children do not quite comprehend. They don't know how vulnerable they are and they have to make their own choices which may put them in danger and you as the parent are in the position of having to watch and not being able to do much about it accept warn them with your voice. It is kind of tormenting to love someone and to know the right way and watch them turn away from your voice and the voice of the spirit. I can't help thinking what a much greater scale our Father in Heaven experiences these feelings. I just hope that my children will listen when they are in danger whether it is physical or spiritual dangers.

I am not the only one who has been having these crazy, stressful, anxiety ridden dreams. My husband also told me he had dreams where he had to fight with animals. It started with him having to fight two gorillas and then sharks and I can't remember what came next. I guess it is not all pregnancy hormones, but anticipation, fear, lack of control, and general parental anxieties. Hopefully none of it will be justified and things will go as smoothly as they possibly can. I have prepared myself and the kids as much as I can for the transition and I am just going to have to take it one day at a time. I know that it will get easier juggle three kids when the initial pain and fatigue subside.

I am going to end with a quote from Elder Holland which my friend posted on her blog. I don't think she'll mind, but it seems fitting with all the fears I am obviously experiencing lately.
"I ask everyone within the sound of my voice to take heart, be filled with faith, and remember the Lord has said He 'would fight [our] battles, [our] children's battles, and [the battles of our] children's children' (D&C 98:37; emphasis added). And what do we do to merit such a defense? We are to 'search diligently, pray always, and be believing. [Then] all things shall work together for [our] good, if [we] walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith [we] have covenanted' (D&C 90:24). The latter days are not a time to fear and tremble. They are a time to be believing and remember our covenants."

I love that quote and it brings me much peace when I am feeling overwhelmed with the responsibility of both the physical and spiritual welfare of my children in this sometimes very dangerous world.