Resolutions for 2009

It feels like it has been a really long time since I have made any resolutions, and I am not sure it is such a great idea to try to make and keep resolutions when I will have a newborn in just three months to disrupt everything. Hopefully I can keep things going after a few weeks of adjustment (I think it took 15 months to adjust and recover from having Beck, so I am probably delusional). I just feel kind of desperate for a change. Lately I have been feeling like I am getting dragged through life and that I am in a state of constant survival mode. I decided I need to make some changes, so that I am directing my life and that it has a sense of purpose instead of feeling like I am running a race and getting no where or treading water and barely keeping myself from drowning.

I have decided I need to be a more valiant daughter of God and no longer neglect the spiritual responsibilities I have to myself, my family and the Lord. We had a lesson in Relief Society about being more valiant and it really made me realize how many things I am not making room for in my life or not doing well enough. Elder Maxwell once said something like this, "many of us are not in a state of transgression, but a state of digression" I have decided I need to wake up about an hour or more earlier if I am going to make any difference in the what I am able to accomplish in a day. The first change is to give more attention to scripture study. I definitely don't "feast on the words of christ" like I should be and I probably can't even say that I nibble. Luckily I have to teach once a month or I might not have any form of gospel study in my life at all. That is a pretty easy change to make you basically decide to do and then you do it.

Another change I want to make is to be more positive. I feel that I have not been experiencing the joy of life because I get too caught up in the details and mundane but necessary duties of a wife and mother. I am like Martha and as the Savior said “thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful; and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” I definitely need to realign my priorities and restore some balance to my life. I want to possess more charity toward others and to find ways to relieve stress and tension, so I will be a happier more relaxed person. I want to live in the moment and not be in such a hurry to get to the next thing. I want to be flexible. I need to learn to laugh at life instead of taking it so seriously all the time. This feels overwhelming to me, but I feel it is extremely important. I almost feel like I need to completely change who I am, but I am not happy with how I am now so I feel like I have no other choice. I think I could be such a better wife and mother and enjoy life more if I wasn't always so serious about life and so task-oriented all the time.

I am pretty sure I don't have to worry about neglecting my duties or getting out of balance the other way since the worker bee is too ingrained in me. You'd think with how hard I work at trying to get things done that I would have a lot to show for it, but I feel like I have been working so hard and accomplishing nothing. My house is still always a mess, I haven't accomplished any fun scrapbooking projects, I haven't read my scriptures or exercised and yet I am tired and onery because I have been running around all day doing so many things. It doesn't make sense to me since it seems to me that everyone else is able to do those things and they seem content and happy. I am not exactly sure how to go about these changes, so if anyone of you have been able to make these types of changes or have any ideas on how to approach this please let me know. I am just praying that the Lord will tell me how and that he can perform the miracle when I do whatever it is he asks. I thought as part of this post I would show some cute video of Kate and Beck just being silly since that is what I need more of in my life.