Consider yourself Lucky

About a week ago I was having one of those days where things kept going wrong, but at the same time I was able to see all of my blessings. It was a stuggle to get the kids ready and out the door and we finally made it to the grocery store. As I was pushing the kids in the cart toward the door of the grocery store, I hit a bump. The whole cart felt like it was going to summersault as it lurched forward. I was trying to stablize the cart and keep the car seat from coming off when I heard the lady walking toward my cart reacting with panic and I knew one of my kids was on the ground. I ran around the front to find Beck on the ground screaming and my heart sunk. I picked him up and expected to see blood gushing from his head, but luckily no blood. Okay, no stitches, but what about a cracked skull or concusion. I got him into the store and requested ice for his head. He was more upset about me trying to put ice on his head than his injury. He calmed down and was fine with only a rather minor goose egg which you can't really even see in the picture.

What a blessing! I was so relieved. While Beck was in histerics from his injury one really nice lady offered to help me out to the car, do my shopping for me etc. and one really nice man who had only one leg was trying to console Beck. I thought how worse off he was and how much his injury had to hurt and he was kind enough to try to be empathetic to my son with his minor bump. I wondered if someone was there to console him when he lost his leg. When we finally got home and I got the kids in the car and the groceries unloaded, the rain came pooring down. How nice that I was able to make it home before the rain storm.

It was so uplifting to see that there are complete strangers in this world who will help you out when you are in need. I am so grateful for thoughtful people like the ones I met that day. I am so grateful Beck was not seriously injured and that my children are healthy and don't have to suffer from major illnesses. I am so grateful that I have both my legs. I am so grateful for the tender mercies from our Heavenly Father who knows I can only handle so much and spares me from many stressful incidences like being caught in the rain with two little children and one brand new baby. I know there are many more blessings that I probably don't even notice or recognize.

Of course as is often the case I was only able to enjoy these positive feelings for a short time before the adversary tried to take them away and replace my peace and happiness with despair. He started bombarding me with all these negative irrational thoughts. He knows right where we are vulnerable and insecure and he will not overlook any opportunity to take advantage of them to cause us to forget our blessing and the feelings of the spirit.

It was a great learning experience for me and I guess Beck felt like he wanted to have some company in his misery, so the next day he hit his sister in the head with a toy and gave her a smaller bruise right in the middle of her forehead. I hope to get some nice pictures done soon, but now I have to wait for all the buises, goose eggs, baby acne, cradle cap, and plugged tear ducts to clear up first.

catching up

Wow I can't believe it has already been over a month since my last post. I am finding it hard to accomplish some of the basic things like getting the laundry folded and put away or dinner cooked, so it has been difficult to find time to blog. I think it will continue in the summer since I want to spend time doing the fun summer stuff outdoors that the kids enjoy and the condition of my house and the blogging will have to pay the price. Here are some things we have been up to lately.

At the beginning of May we blessed Kiera. Dani and Tom were in town for Tom's graduation so we wanted to make sure we did it while they were here. Kate was sick and my house was too small to accomodate everyone, so the stress got to me more that I wanted to let it get to me. There were four baby blessings that day and it was fun to share the occasion with those families. I am grateful for all the support of the family and especially grateful for Kiera and the whole reason for the special occasion.

Another reason for added stress and fatigue is that my husband has been working most evenings and Saturdays trying to finish our basement. I don't get much of a break since after the long days with the kids and I finally get them to bed Kiera wants to resume nursing until close to midnight. I am pretty exhausted, but I think things are going to start getting better. Kiera went to bed at 10pm the last two nights and she only woke up twice.

Mother's Day we spent with my family and it was nice to just hang out in the beautiful weather.

Eli bought me some flowers to plant between our bolders which was nice. I think Mother's day and many other holidays tend to get a little too extravagant, so we don't do a lot of gifts for each other. I think it is nice to have homemade things or service oriented gifts especially for mothers day, but the flowers were a nice surprise.
I heard some quotes from a YW lesson that really stuck with me about the importance of the role of mothers.

"Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest holiest service to be assumed by a woman." David O. Mckay

"We have made covenants. We made them before we accepted our position here on earth. . . We committed ourselves to our Heavenly Father, that if He would send us to the earth and give us bodies and give to us the priceless opportunities that earth life afforded, we would keep our lives clean and would marry in the holy temple and would rear a family and teach them righteousness. This was a solemn oath, a solemn promise" Spencer W. Kimball

Since I heard those words I have been pondering them a great deal. What a sacred experience that must have been to make those covenants, those solemn promises. I know that this statement is true because the spirit testified to me that I was there making those promises before this life. I have a great resposibility as do all fathers and mothers and I need to work harder to fulfill those promises and not let the things of the world like stress and fatigue distract me from those solemn promises I made.

Last week we were able to go see my cousin Shannon who lived with us as our foster daughter for a year graduate from high school. We are so proud of her for overcoming so many obstacles in her personal life besides just the usual stress and hardships that come with being a teenager. she will be attending college this fall and is considering studying criminal justice or software engineering. Way to go Shannon!

Kiera has grown quite a bit this last month and is now over 10lbs. She is average on all her measurements and has been smiling a cooing for weeks now. I haven't been successful at catching her smiles, but I love this picture that shows how she puts up with all the love and attention from her siblings.

I have much more blogging to do before I can catch up on the last month and hopefully I can get back to regular postings. I plan on taking it pretty easy in June and I am looking forward to just relaxing since I know July will be very busy again.

New Baby Top Ten

I thought I would do a new baby top ten list that would kind of recap the last two weeks with our brand new baby.

10........the approximate number of dirty diapers to change in a 24 hour period. We have already gone through three packages of newborn diapers (that is just for Kiera, Beck is still in diapers too).

9.........I think I must be about 9 hours behind on house work. I currently have 4 baskets of unfolded laundry that have been sitting there for three days and tomorrow is laundry day again. When I finally get to the dishes, I have to do like three loads just to clear out the sink. I feel like my house will never be in order again. I can't find anything and I am hoping no one will stop by to visit because I would be so embarassed. I have only cooked dinner for my family twice and the rest of the time we have gone out to eat which has been at least four different times what we usually might do in a month or even longer.

8.........Kiera is gaining weight and now weighs 8lbs she is in the 40th percentile for weight (I wonder how long that will last :) our babies usually are less than the 5th percentile for weight and Kate even dropped off the charts for a while).



7........I think I attempt to take a nap during the day about 7 times unsuccessfully. It seems as soon as I lay down I can't sleep because the baby wakes me up to eat, my kids wake me up because they are fighting, or I am too uncomfortable to sleep and need to get up to get an ice pack or pain reliever etc.

6........In addition to regular meals, the number of snacks I eat a day as my body is preparing to nourish a newborn. I constantly feel like I am starving and I am craving sweets like crazy. I just can't seem to get satisfied on the no-dairy, no-eggs, no-nuts diet, but hopefully it will help Kiera avoid the allergies her brother has.

5......The number of times I have been peed on while changing diapers. I thought my son would be the one I would have this problem with, but it is Kiera's favorite trick lately.

4......I am guessing I am averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night and it is not a regular scheduled time either, so I am surprised I am even coherent since I am the type that needs more than the standard 8hrs to function as is.

3......I can't believe I have three kids and I don't see how I will manage trying to drag three kids to the store and everywhere else. I have been spoiled to have Eli's help for the past two weeks. He got to see Kate and Beck in action at the Super Wal-mart last night and he even agreed that I should try to go without them.

2......The number of times I have actually done make-up in the last two weeks. I have attempted to do my hair even less.

1......I was thinking how grateful I am that I had just one new baby and not twins or more because I would be going insane not to mention how hard it has been for my body to recover from the delivery of just one baby. I am so lucky to have Kiera she is such a good baby and only cries when she wants to nurse. She doesn't have colic or spit up much. My only problem is that she likes to sleep too much and then I get a little engorged and have issues with plugged ducts etc.

Having a newborn in the house is at times a challenge physically and emotionally, but I am trying to enjoy every moment with her sweet smells, funny sounds and faces, her tiny grip, her snuggly little body, and pure innocence. One of my favorite things is watching kiera dream. I watch her eyes move rapidly back and forth and she twitches and smiles. I also love to tickle her feet and she seems to like it too since she will stretch her little leg toward me as far as she can and flex her foot for me to tickle it.

I was thinking the other day how intently they focus on your face when you talk to them and how interested they are in you. Newborns give you their full attention and enjoy just gazing at you. I was thinking how I wish I could get my 4year old to give me a 10th of that amount of attention. How much easier things would be. As is I have to ask her to do something like 10 times and she still seems oblivious that I am talking to her. Kate and Beck adore Kiera and I have to keep explaining to Kate what Kiera's limits are. She will literally scream at Kiera trying to get her to look in her direction or do what she wants her to do. Beck loves to rub her head and ear lobe and he lets me know if her eyes are open or if she is crying. He gets very excited when her eyes are open since she sleeps most of the time. They have had a cold this week which is one of my worst nightmares for my newborn to get sick, so I have tried to keep them away from her and that has been quite a challenge. Now I am just hoping for Kiera to settle into a routine, so I can manage things a little easier. I am not looking forward to Eli's return to work tomorrow:(. At least I can say it has taught me to take the day as it comes and to be more flexible.

By the way, we had a nice Easter. We had my family over Saturday for lunch and an Easter egg hunt and then we went to Eli's family's on Sunday for dinner. It is also my first anniversary for blogging since my first blog entry last year was Easter. I wasn't sure back then how long it would last since I wasn't sure I would enjoy it or if I would even find things to post about. Now my post are so long usually I am probably the only one to read them.

Kiera Anne Briscoe

Eli here, posting in proxy for Asia.

Kiera Anne Briscoe was born April 2, 2009 just before 5 PM. She was 7 lbs. 12 oz. (exactly what I guessed :P ) and 20 inches. She has long fingers and feet like her sister Kate. Her grandma (my mom) Carrie Ann Briscoe also has April 2nd as a birthday, and Kiera is an Irish form of Carrie.

Both mom and baby are doing great, and there haven't been any complications.

crazy dreams

I know I already did a post about pregnancy dreams (they were mostly about food back then), but now that I am ready to pop I am having more crazy dreams. I have had two dreams that started very differently, but both ended the same which was with me alone on an icy lake or ocean and the ice begins to crack and break apart and I am about to sink into the deep black frigid waters. These dreams both started very light hearted with me surrounded by people and having lots of fun then all of a sudden I am alone. This dream both times starts out in color and then ends in black and white with a great contrast between the bright white ice and the darkest black waters you could imagine. I don't put too much stock into dream interpretation, but it is pretty easy to figure out that my brain is trying to express that I have some fears that I haven't really dealt with. I have always feared deep dark waters and so it seems like a pretty natural expression of my fears. It is also quite expected in my state to have some fears since I am going to be experiencing childbirth soon. I know it is the third time for me, but I still worry about the same things I did the first time around. It is hard to prevent all the horror stories and hundreds of possible problems that could take place from entering my mind.

The other dream that I have had was me and my three children in a field surrounded by deer. Kate was facinated by the mommas and baby deer and wanted to get closer. I kept calling for her to follow me and stay with me because I also had the baby and Beck to keep safe. I knew it wasn't a good idea for her to go wandering off after the deer because there were these huge bucks ready plunge their huge antlers into any intruder. Then all of a sudden there were mountain lions decending on the deer and devouring them. Now I was in a state of panic trying to get Kate to listen to me, but she was oblivious of the dangers around her. I am guessing this dream addresses my fears of being overwhelmed with the responsibilities of motherhood and trying to take care of three children one of which is getting more and more independent each day. I think there is a very spiritual meaning to the dream as well with trying to protect your children from all the hidden dangers in the world that you are aware of and your children do not quite comprehend. They don't know how vulnerable they are and they have to make their own choices which may put them in danger and you as the parent are in the position of having to watch and not being able to do much about it accept warn them with your voice. It is kind of tormenting to love someone and to know the right way and watch them turn away from your voice and the voice of the spirit. I can't help thinking what a much greater scale our Father in Heaven experiences these feelings. I just hope that my children will listen when they are in danger whether it is physical or spiritual dangers.

I am not the only one who has been having these crazy, stressful, anxiety ridden dreams. My husband also told me he had dreams where he had to fight with animals. It started with him having to fight two gorillas and then sharks and I can't remember what came next. I guess it is not all pregnancy hormones, but anticipation, fear, lack of control, and general parental anxieties. Hopefully none of it will be justified and things will go as smoothly as they possibly can. I have prepared myself and the kids as much as I can for the transition and I am just going to have to take it one day at a time. I know that it will get easier juggle three kids when the initial pain and fatigue subside.

I am going to end with a quote from Elder Holland which my friend posted on her blog. I don't think she'll mind, but it seems fitting with all the fears I am obviously experiencing lately.
"I ask everyone within the sound of my voice to take heart, be filled with faith, and remember the Lord has said He 'would fight [our] battles, [our] children's battles, and [the battles of our] children's children' (D&C 98:37; emphasis added). And what do we do to merit such a defense? We are to 'search diligently, pray always, and be believing. [Then] all things shall work together for [our] good, if [we] walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith [we] have covenanted' (D&C 90:24). The latter days are not a time to fear and tremble. They are a time to be believing and remember our covenants."

I love that quote and it brings me much peace when I am feeling overwhelmed with the responsibility of both the physical and spiritual welfare of my children in this sometimes very dangerous world.

Independent 4 year old

Kate informed me the other day that "I don't need you anymore mom". I knew this would come some day, but I didn't think it would come at 4 years old. she has become quite independent and can do so many things on her own including getting dressed, getting in her pjs, getting out of the car, and has recently learned how to swing on a swing without having to be pushed. This was the moment she realized she did not need me. She is a pretty good helper and big sister. I worry sometimes that I am too hard on her or expect too much of her because she is the oldest child and can do so much more.

She is still a baby in a lot of ways and often cries at the drop of a hat. Maybe that just comes with the territory of being female because I know a lot of adult women including myself who have days like that. To all my friends out there who are expecting their third boy, do you see all the dramatics you are missing?

I am trying to enjoy her every day. I love seeing her gifts and talents and I have a lot of hopes for her future. I am amazed by her artistic abilities and intellect and I know she is much more gifted and talented than I am which makes it quite humbling to be in the position of being her mother. I never quite feel qualified for the job.

Lately she has been saying "In a minute it is going to be so hot we are going to have to run through the spinklers" Every night before bed we have to remind her what day it is today and what day it is going to be tomorrow. If we don't she will get out of bed 10 minutes later to come ask "what day is it going to be tomorrow?" She is working hard to understand the concept of time. She is remembering longer periods of time and gets excited when she can remember what we did earlier that week etc. I think it is kind of fun and interesting to watch and be a part of their development.

Sabotage

Some days I feel like I am being sabotaged. I will be cleaning an area of the house and move on to the next only to find that the one I just cleaned is already a mess again. My kids seem to think that they need to get all the toys out at once when they are playing and we are trying to get them to decide what they want to play with, so they can leave the rest of it alone until they are ready to put the first away. Maybe that is an impossible goal, but it sure would be nice. Our play room in the basement is not even finished yet (we do have carpet and paint picked out-yay!) and my husband says he has already accepted that it will be a constant disaster. I have a little more hope than that but maybe I am only dreaming.

Even though it seems like I always have someone in the house going through the terrible twos, I started to think I was going to get off pretty easy. I didn't have to take a lot of extra precautions like some parents (locking the toilet seat or safety latches on cabinets etc.) I didn't use to have to worry about the bathroom door being left open since they rarely caused too much trouble and the worst was ususally a box of kleenex all over the house. However lately they have been getting into more trouble. Perhaps it is spring fever, but even my four year old who should know better by now still seems to want to participate in some of the activities like coloring on the walls. Here are some pictures of their latest work.

One day I found Beck in my bathroom with my make-up all over him and all over my floor. It took 3 washings to get the lip stick out of the rug.

It was just like the next day that I found both my kids art work on my walls in crayon and pen. Luckily my cousins wife had just sent me a list of cleaning tricks like alcohol to remove pen and baking soda to remove crayon that helped. You can see it worked pretty well. The first picture is after I had been scrubbing for a few minutes. It was actually much darker to begin with.

I can't wait to see what trouble they will get in when I am distracted by a new baby. Hopefully with the better weather they can spend more time outdoors and not make messes indoors. For now I guess I will go on cleaning and re-cleaning and trying to keep a better eye on what they are up to at all times.